Rex's Memorial

I finished Rex's memorial page online today. It was so difficult to get through. I had actually started it a couple days ago but it was too hard so I stopped. I finished it tonight and it broke my heart all over again.

I miss him so much. I cried when I received the phone call from the stable, I cried on the drive there, and I cried petting my mare after I got there. After that, shock hit and I had to be strong for my daughter so other than tears on my face while holding her, I guess I didn't get enough of my grief out because after I finished his memorial page, I sobbed the messy, loud kind of crying that I haven't done in such a long time.

This is killing me not knowing why he died. I didn't want an autopsy done because I didn't want them taking his body and not getting it back (and having my daughter left with that last thought in her mind with her horse), I didn't want somebody who didn't know or love him to treat him indifferently and destroy his beautiful body, and I wanted him to be buried with some dignity because he was that kind of horse. The result of that is that it leaves me with questions and it hurts.

Rex died sometime on late Wednesday night/Thurday morning a week ago...a week ago from now, on this night. The depth of grief is just miserable.