Being A Strong Woman

Part of "cowgirl up" is to be strong and take responsibility for yourself. That can mean different things to different people.

For some women, it means getting out of a bad relationship knowing you deserve better. For others, it means finding somebody to talk to (friend, pastor, therapist) when you are feeling down and need an ear and somebody with a clear head. Part of taking responsibility for yourself also means taking care of yourself so your body and mind is healthy.

I've been that woman in all three of those situations at one point or another in my life.

I've been in an abusive relationship. I never thought I deserved it. I naively thought if I could get him to stop drinking, it'd be OK because he was a mean drunk. Once I realized "I" couldn't get him to stop drinking and he wasn't what I wanted in a husband or to raise children with, I left him before I ended up more badly hurt than all the "c" words spewed at me, shaking that left bruised collar bones, and bashing my head into the car window when I finally stood up to him and had enough. Nobody treats me like that or should expect me to just put up with it like his mother did. No way. I was not giving any future children that legacy of abuse.

I go see a therapist when it feels like things get to be too much. I went after I moved away from home to deal with the fallout from a dysfunctional family. I've gone to deal with being in a really crappy step situation with no control over any of it that had me on the verge of either walking away from my marriage or losing my sanity (being a stepmother is the hardest thing I've ever done). I love my husband; I hate the "difficult ex" baggage that came with him (four years and four months left...thank the gods!). It helps just to have somebody to talk to. I don't want to ever get to the point where stress cripples my life. I get clarity and healthy ways to deal with the stress in a couple months' time and get myself into a healthy place again (how to cope with my husband's ex, how to handle a stepchild's anger towards our kids, etc.).

I think it is important that I stay in a healthy state of mind for my kids, for my husband, and for myself. What good am I to them if I don't? I never want to put my kids into a situation where mom becomes a mental case. It's too heavy a load to put on a child's shoulders. I don't want to scar my children by continuing family dysfunction that I grew up with. That cycle, for my family, stopped at me. It won't continue through my kids.

Finally, there is taking care of my health. I recently started a new blog so that I have a daily reminder to think about myself and my health. It's only a few days old but it's a start so I don't fall back in the rut of doing things a lot of moms do - forget about taking care of themselves while they take care of everybody else. I want to do at least one thing for myself a day that helps my health. I keep track of that on the blog. In the winter, this is especially hard for me because my horse is a great stress reliever. However, in the very cold winter months, I just can't do a whole lot with her. So my new blog was born as a daily reminder that my own health is important and I better start taking better care of it.