Disengaged Stepmom

I've reached my limit on what I can take being a stepmom after 16 years.  I disengage.  I back away.  If I need to get a Siegel pop up booth to advertise it, I will. When my stepkids were younger, it was tough but we were a family despite the ex. The "his" and "ours" blended (there were issues but there was still love and closeness).  During the teen years, the kids became their mother. The damage control with trying to teach them manners, responsibility, sympathy, compassion, etc., when they weren't being taught those things with their other parent, just didn't work any longer. My stepdaughter is 19 - old enough to know better on appropriate behavior. I don't have to put up with disrespectful, outright rude behavior or snubbing at important events. There's no excuse at this point. I don't know what happened to my sweet stepchild but I disengage. I honestly don't know if it's the Prozac the ex put her on (that she didn't need) or if their mother finally "won" with her nastiness (therapists said they behave a certain way to please their mom - - perhaps that bad behavior is just who they are now).

They aren't my kids. It's not my problem.  If my husband doesn't feel like he has any influence over them anymore - correct inappropriate behavior or at least bring it up, then I certainly don't have to deal with it over and over again.