Fear of Flying

There is one activity that I have not been able to "cowgirl up" and get over yet. It's my fear of flying. I'd rather drive for 48 hours than take a three hour flight.

Why am I afraid of flying? Besides the idea of dropping to the ground in a flaming heap, I think it is the lack of control and I have control issues (I readily admit to that). I have no control over what the pilot is doing, what the plane is doing. I have to place my trust in a pilot I don't know and I don't trust easily. If the plane goes down, it's pretty much over with unless you're beyond lucky and I can "feel" that terror when I think about it, think about losing my family in that way.

Another reason that has to do with control is that I can't "see" what is going on outside the plane like the pilot can. When I drive in a car, I can see around me and make decisions to protect my family. I am a fantastic backseat driver too (unless you're my poor husband who finds it extremely annoying). I don't know why he wouldn't find me nagging at his driving constantly to be anything but pleasant.

I was deathly afraid BEFORE 9/11. I'm even moreso now. It's not bad enough that the plane can malfunction and you plummet to the earth. Now you have freaks who want to take you down.

I have flown before. Once. I flew across the United States to go skiing. For the flight there, it took a few shots of liquor and I was ok to get on the plane (drunk, but ok). For the flight home, I didn't drink and I forgot the gum. I was sober, terrified, and in pain through my neck from the pressure.

We have a ton of frequent flyer miles my husband wracked up flying back and forth to Japan. He wants to use them to go on a vacation - just the two of us. I've refused thus far because of my fear. I won't let them go though because one day I WILL get on a plane...maybe when my kids are older and I don't need to worry about leaving them without parents. As of right now, those frequent flyer miles might as well be confederate currency for all the good it is doing us right now...can't spend them.

We talked about flying the family to Disney with the frequent flyer miles but then I'd want us to take two planes in case one went down so the entire family isn't killed in one swoop but then the thought of that just paralyzes me too.

So, yes, I have a neurotic fear of flying.